All The Single Mommies (In My Beyonce Single Ladies Voice)

If you think being a mom is tough, try doing it all alone as a single mom. And please know that I'm not taking anything away from any mom that has an active partner in their lives to help out with the babies. But understand that there are those that it's not as easy. I was one of them. And I was the single mom that had absolutely no family help or anything.

My oldest son who is now twenty-three (23), his dad and I were married from the time he was born until he was four (4) years old. We were young. Were married for all of the wrong reasons (only because I was pregnant) and it just didn't work out. So, we divorced and went our separate ways. We didn't do any court ordered custody agreement. He and I tried to do things independently and work it out on our own. For almost two years it worked out where he would have our son on the weekends, and he (our son) was with me during the week. Then it all stopped. And when I say it stopped; it abruptly stopped. It was just my son and I against the world and we made it work. However, during this time I didn't have family support to help me during the times that I really needed even if it were to just help me with picking my son up from school. I literally had to figure it all out and talk about how stressful that was. It was beyond taxing on me and seemed like a never-ending cycle.

Nothing is more frustrating than not knowing where you help would come from. This lead to so many nights of sleepless nights and tears because trying to figure it out all on my own was the hardest things I had to do. Yes, did it come out just fine? It did, but it was the process of trying to figure it all out. What made it even worse was the stupid recession that hit in 2008 and I was part of a massive layoff in 2009. STILL A SINGLE MOTHER LIKE THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING. Having to downsize from a house, then to an apartment, then to a roommate situation. Looking at myself like honey I am too old for this. Unemployment, trying to be strong, then landing temp assignments, all while being a mobile hair stylist just trying to make ends meet. It was one of the craziest times for me. Here I was, with a bachelor's and a master's not being able to find a full-time job and just STRUGGLING all while being a single mom, having to get public assistance to be able to eat and survive and being normal and levelheaded during this hectic time. What was I to do? THEN THE BLESSINGS STARTED COMING IN. It was during my son's time at the Boys and Girls Challengers Club in South Los Angeles that it the help actually came into place.

While my son was a member of the Boys and Girls Challenger Club, as parents you were required to do mandatory volunteering. This helped with keeping the cost of things like increased membership dues down and hiring extra staff that maybe the organization couldn't afford to do. I have always been a people person so talking has never been an issue. During my volunteer time I made some mom friends. Then my son started to play football and I made even more mom friends who were in the same boat as I was. We all became friends and started to help each other out. It was such a blessing because my village came in the form of friends that I had made who were like minded moms. Our boys got along so well, and we are all still friends to this day. We have shared in the successes, have helped each during the challenges and to say that we are still the best of friends even fifteen (15) years or so after speaks volumes.

Your help. Your village. And your venting buddies don't always have to be family. Through the toughest times, friends can help. And you can also be that friend that helps. I truly thought that it just was just going to my son and I in our little bubble with nowhere to turn. Friends are great resources. Truly understand what you are going through, and you will be surprised just how each of you have won and struggled the same. Friends that are your village are those that do not judge but encourage. Friends that are your village are there build each other up and to continue to do so. Friends can be that missing piece to your single mommy puzzle. I know it were for me. I am so thankful for my village that helped me during my darkest times as a single mommy. It was during that time of being a single mom that I knew that if I could make it through that I could make it through anything.

Being a single mom is never the end of the world. It's only a piece that shows you how resilient you are and how much fight that you possess. Don't be down on yourself for the cards that you were dealt. You are amazing and continue to press forward for your babies. I take my hat off to you and salute you for being the best mom ever. Always remember that YOU GOT THIS!!!!